In addition to the trauma, there is a ton of self-criticism. So part of the unconscious conversation when we get activated is a judgement, a criticism about being activated. One part of self being nasty to another part. So this compounds the trauma, makes the experience more acute. The solution is compassion for that critical voice, rather than joining with it. For this to happen, one must consciously cultivate that wise, compassionate, kind, strong, supportive voice. Like Abramowitz says “each day set an intention” to speak to oneself with a kind, compassionate voice of strength.

The greatest aspect of helping people is being both a witness and partner in their transformation and the depth of connection which takes place in our hearts and souls.

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. – Carl Gustav Jung

 Sometimes the challenges of life can be too difficult to face alone. With the help of a caring, nurturing, non-judgmental advocate, I can help you face these challenges with integrity, dignity and courage. 

 “Man is surrounded by flowers, but there are times in life when their appearance is obscured” As an addiction specialist, I can help you find relief from the destructive forces of substance and alcohol abuse. Through this process, the darkness begins to fade, the light starts to return and a process of transformation is activated. As a specialized sobriety coach, I will be your advocate and co-creator on this new path of healing and recovery. 

 Substance and alcohol abuse has a profound effect on the entire family and as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I possess special training in family systems. The focus is on identifying damaging communication patterns and providing tools to repair them. This provides the family unit a chance to find solace, healing and transformation. 

 Part coach, therapist and educator, the work I provide is uniquely dynamic and interactive. My therapeutic approach integrates creativity, solution-focused principles and reality-based interventions to get you moving in the direction you really want to be going. 

 Other areas include the healing of broken marriages, grief of loss and life-cycle changes.

Compassion and communication skills are the foundation of family therapy. We teach and promote a style of non-judgmental listening that nurtures the seeds of compassion. Through this process, family members begin to feel encouraged and understood. Rigid roles become modified and more flexible. Knowledge and action combine to move the family forward on the path of healing. Static, limiting and destructive views transform into new emerging perspectives which serve to promote growth in the family system and in each individual member

What awareness is necessary when dealing with issues of addiction? We believe the problem is not alcohol, drugs, food, sex, or gambling; but instead these are symptoms of a deeper psychic or emotional malady. Substances often serve as a faulty attempt to cure this malady which may stem from an emotional wound, disappointment or disconnection. Addiction is often labeled as weakness, when it actually represents at once an ignorance or fear of dealing with the underlying pain and also a desire to rise above the eternal nature of human suffering. Therefore, the therapeutic alliance can potentially serve as a slow descent toward the malady, then facing it with an expanding source of light until the darkness and pain gradually become integrated into conscious understanding, serving to reduce or expel its destructive power.

To a large extent family therapy consists of identifying and exploring issues that previously have been avoided, ignored or misunderstood.  The act of bringing them out into the light, putting them into a context of compassion, leads to deeper understanding and connection between family members.

The most challenging thing in maintaining healthy communication with our children, is the ability to manage our own emotions.   And when we are able to portray a quiet confidence, it promotes the space for a productive conversation.

Working on yourself, is like being your own coach. The best coaches combine firm discipline with a love of their work and a respect for the person they are coaching. They also understand that improvement comes incrementally, that there will be backslides. In addition, there is the view that the process needs to be respected as much as the result. Too much pressure, can lead to frustration, and impede progress. Ideally it’s a delicate balance of concerted effort, encouragement and care.

We hear a lot these days about the concept of self-love and it remains one of the biggest challenges in dealing with trauma. However, for many it is often easier to cultivate an attitude of loving others. Or so it seems. Perhaps it is a false myth that its easier to love others than oneself. Perhaps it’s not as hard as that. My experience for example with anxiety is that there is too much pressure put on either “embracing it” or using some kind of mantra to reduce its intensity. What if we can look at our anxiety like a suffering child? Can we offer kindness, concern, curiosity. Can we simply be present, mindful, curious and yes…loving. Can we in fact conjure in our minds those powerful images whether they be Buddha, Jesus, Eros or of The Great Mother or Father. Not to get “rid” of the anxiety but to provide it solace, comfort…and love.

Recently I was asked several questions in regard to Sober Dating. What would you suggest someone do when their date reacts poorly to finding out that you’re sober? Maybe your date is mean or begins to pry, or they try to get you to “just have one?” How should someone newly sober and vulnerable handle that awful situation?

• “Coming out” as In Recovery can be much heavier than someone sharing that they’re sober curious or doing a dry month. Any tips on someone opening up about their recovery specifically?

If your date reacts poorly to you finding out you are sober, this is a big yellow flag. However, I would try and remain calm. Stay in the now, be curious. Perhaps ask them, “What is it about this that bothers you?” See where it goes. This may in fact be a deal breaker for them, or for you. Remember that dating is a “mutual interview process” getting to know someone takes time, it could and should be treated with respect. If your date is “mean”, that is a boundary, there is no place for that, and you should stand up for yourself. If they continue, then you end the date at that point. There is a difference between curiosity and “prying” one is respectful and promotes connection, the other can be invasive and disrespectful. While it may be hard to know, you can often detect a tone and an inner sense, a feeling that something isn’t right. This is usually your best guide. If you decide that they are prying, challenging, or minimizing you, again stand up and advocate for yourself. Same if they try to push a drink on you. Being newly sober, you may feel overwhelmed or blind-sided. Take a breath and if need be, remove yourself, go to the bathroom and text or reach out to a sober friend “lifeline”.
Opening up about your recovery is a very personal thing. For many young people it can be a challenge and depending on the severity of their addiction, their recovery may be a matter of life and death. Dating early in recovery carries specific challenges. For one, getting sober often requires many particular life-style changes. This can include meetings, yoga, meditation, exercise, fellowship with other sober people, etc. These things require significant energy, commitment, and focus. It is not easy to establish and embed new habits. Anybody who has ever been in a relationship knows that they also take a lot of time and energy. So, it may be wise to hold off on dating until you have solidified to some extent your newfound habits. And then you need to own them, you need to treasure and protect them. And ideally you will do this with community support that can include friends, family, and other sober people. It may or may not include members of the twelve-step community or other therapeutic supports. All of this to say, that at a certain point one comes to see that sobriety is a lifestyle that makes their life better. It opens the door to a life of possibilities and not a source of shame. Therefore, opening up to someone about it can be done with a strong sense of dignity. Taking care one’s personal, physical, mental and emotional health is the top priority. And if someone cannot respect that, then its simply time to say thank you, take care and “keep it moving.”